| grace grace |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|11:16 pm] |
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It must be really shocking to see me updating my blog. What's new lol.
I was supposed to wake up to call the school to inform them that I'm on MC but I fell asleep while setting my alarm so ta dah! I didn't wake up until it was too late to call. I've seen the GP and have gotten my MC. I will not worry about it and I'm going to trust that all will be well. It's the hols! And I'm still working like a bull. Grace grace on my situation. >.< God, be my alarm clock every morning!
Anyhoo, relistening to sermons is so useful for busy people like me, who can't stop to read hohoho! Can't wait for the next paycheck to start CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! oh I just love Christmas! :DDD |
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| never good enough. |
[May. 18th, 2009|01:19 am] |
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| |  bitchy | ] |
This place is ancient. I realise that I love to neglect my blogs. It's always the same problem. I get lazy and I just stop coming back! Oh well, at least I am keeping this blog still. *grumblegrumble. I really love this verse of Sarah McLachlan's Arms of An Angel:
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
Let's all be honest. We are all imperfect creatures who can never be anywhere near perfection. So what do we do? I like to run away from it but I can't always run. There are always areas that I can be better because I was made for greater good. I know I have the potential to be a better person than what it is now so I take advice that people hand out to try for improvement. For the past 2 weeks of my life, I tried so damn freaking hard to be the person I knew I was 3 years ago and guess what I succeeded like 70%. It's a damn good result if you ask me. I mean I haven't totally become that but an improvement is always good. I feel good about it really. The getting there is definitely not easy but I realised that it isn't as hard as I've always claimed it to be. So now what? Let me take a few steps back and just underline some things.
We are always told that when we decide to change for the better, we should always do it for ourselves but how often are we true about that? It is always never just for myself when I try for a change and it is something that I find hard not to be. I can't just change solely for myself cos it is never satisfying and we all need someone to tell us that we are heading in the right direction. Ok, I take back my words. I can't say everyone need that but everything I've mentioned applies to me and whoever agrees with me. Oh. And we are always told that we change not for the sake of having others to compliment us but hey! Many of us need to know that we are going in the right direction and in this case we are not so much seeking compliments but just being sailors looking out for the lighthouse. I think it really makes alot of difference.
So what happens when you have succeeded 70% and somehow the assurance you are seeking seems to focus on the 30% or worse, finds fault with your 70%? We have our own ways of trying to do things right, to prevent shit from happening and to simply try and not react so as to make lives easier. So what happens when all you did was try to prevent yourself from being the raging machine that you are known for by asking questions, so as to have a better understanding of situations, only to have yourself expected to rage simply cos that's how you'd have reacted?
When shit you try to avoid happen, how are you suppose to not feel not good enough? I'm saying that I feel insufficient, that no matter how hard I try to be better, I am never good enough. Hand me some advice as to what I should do. Should I just stop caring altogether and just be that raging machine or just go with the flow of these new change and accept that no one can ever be good enough and we can only live with that? Shit. Now that sounds like life is just horribad and miserable. Maybe I'll just enjoy this new change and anyone who finds fault with it can just suck their own thumb and live with it. Because I have tried so hard and come so far and I deserve a pat on my back rather than have it shoved in my face even when I try so hard to make things better.
*grumblegrumble. Or maybe I should just fuck it and just eat my tub of B&J's. Then again, my cramps are disagreeing with my B&J's idea. FML. LOL.
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| amazed |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|09:40 pm] |
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I stand amazed at how noble teachers are. I've already starting relief teaching in skps actually. It's pretty cool so far, the teachers I've met are like WOW. I mean they have to handle children and they still make sure that I'm comfortable. I thought I'm suppose to be easing their work load :/ Oh well, amazing experience so far! |
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| Ohhh |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|09:23 am] |
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Hi blog, I haven't seen you for long. Where have I been? Nowhere actually. Hmmm, WoW is fun, but some of the people in there are not. In fact, many! Oh well. Doesn't matter.
I've got a job just today! I'm gonna be relief teaching in Seng Kang Primary School starting next monday morning. I'd be just like a teacher, just with lesser pay. Oh well I'll like it still, i believe. I've just got red earphones yesterday! It's RED! Goes with my bag and my psp. This is so random. I so don't know what else to say.
That's it for now I guess. :D |
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